It has been quite some time since I felt like I needed to write. Today isn't necessarily a bad day, but I just felt like sharing. Our annual walk-a-thon is Saturday and we are busy preparing for it. I haven't really had time to think about Roman or the journey that started only a few months ago.
My best friend has had her baby. I think I am handling it well, but I do get teary when I am around them sometimes. One evening, I was showing my husband the picture when he told me he was tired of everyone else having babies. It was the first time in a while that he revealed to me our struggle bothers him. It felt good to know I wasn't alone.
At times, I feel myself wanting to remind people that I just had a baby! Especially when they comment on my rear baggage! I think sometimes they forget how recent it was because there is no child to show for it.
I wonder often what the people in the group think of me. Am I a good leader? Am I really making a difference? Are they all waiting for me to sit down and move out of the way? I know, crazy questions but I told you, I just felt like letting some things out.
I still wonder each day if I will ever experience another pregnancy and how far it will go? Sometimes I grow tired and don't want to hear about death anymore. I don't even feel like calling people sometimes.
I will continue to trust God and know that He has a purpose and a calling for me. Although I feel week and tired, I know He is able to give me strength.
