Well, I guess I can finally close this chapter. Last week, I was all excited about the possiblity of a career move and relocating withing 6 months to 1 year. I let everyone know it too! My husband and I were researching different cities and schools to live in. The kids were actually excited about moving!
Last week, I started spotting on the day I was supposed to start my period. I didn't really pay attention that it was much lighter than usuall. The next day, I wore a pad all day but there was nothing on it! After putting it off for some time, I took a pregnancy test. I attributed the strange period to stress at the time, but when it flashed back and said pregnant, my first reaction was that the test malfunctioned. I went home and waited a few hours before taking the second one. I couldn't figure out why both of them kept saying pregnant. I still believe that it is a malfunction of the new electronic tests!
I spent the evening in tears. I don't want to experience that pain or loss of hope again. I can't even imagine what it would be like to actually carry a baby to term! What is God doing? I was off on this career path and now this! who's going to hire me to lead a business knowing that I'm going to be off work soon! Is that not going to happen for me? Will I have to stop my life again only to not bring my child home? I'm so frustrated and scared!
God, I need you to speak to me.
