I started back to work on Monday of this week. I have to say that it almost feels as if things are back to normal. I still stop and think how things would have been with Roman. I was planning to work only part time until he was about 6 months or older. It feels like I just took a long vacation. I have the occasional person ask how the baby is doing but it doesn't bother me too much. I worry that I have supressed all my feelings and one day they will come barreling out.
My husband and I have made up and things are peaceful. I find that we are spending more time together than in the past. I would have been too busy or too tired. I hated going to the grocery store but almost enjoy it now. We went last night and laughed at each other the entire time. I am waking up every morning making him lunches for work. He told me he appreciated it and I didn't have to do it anymore but I like talking to him in the morning. Even if it is 4:30 a.m. I just have to get a better schedule for myself because I am dead tired when he leaves but don't want to oversleep for my job.
I guess in all of this, I will take the good with the bad. This has been a good week. I know they won't always be this way, but I can always look back and remember how it can be. I prayed that God would remove my selfishness and help me be a better servant to others. It is not that I didn't like to help anyone else, I just never thought about it or could see the opportunity. My eyes are beginning to open.
