After thinking about all the events that happened this past week, the scripture Romans 8:28 keeps coming to mind. "All things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose."
On Monday, April 7th, I was admitted to the hospital because I was having contractions. After a day or so, I was convinced that it was just false labor and that I would make it to the magical "32" weeks my doctors were shooting for. Unfortunately, things continued to progress and by Friday morning, I was delivering my son by c-section.
Roman weighed 1 pound and 5 ounces and he appeared to be doing well. No one could ever really know what was in store but we assumed his journey would be similar to his sister's. We anticipated some bumps in the road but were quite optimistic by the end of Friday.
Saturday morning around 3:30 a.m., one of the doctors from NICU brought us news we weren't expecting to hear. She told us that Roman is not doing well at all and that we should be there in the event something happens. Roman's lungs were in poor condition and causing him to lose his battle. We thought for a moment that he was going to make it over the hump but he was just too tired and we made the decision to let him go.
I have so many mixed emotions about the whole thing. I still trust God and I don't believe my faith waivered. Only He knows what is best for us but it so difficult to accept right now. I coudn't wait to bring him home to become a part of the family.
Will we ever have children from this marriage? Is it even safe for us to get pregnant again? Do we wan't to even go through this again? Can I cope with all of my friends and family members who will be delivering babies soon? I feel hurt, sad, angry, and hopeless. God please be with me on this journey. I will remember your promise in Romans 8:28.
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