It has been a few days and I've managed to survive without any huge breakdowns. I've also had a lot of company so I haven't had much time to think about Roman. Nights are hard though. I usually have some type of dream about him that wakes me up and I'm unable to go back to sleep. I keep having thoughts that I didn't pray hard enough for him to survive.
My husband treated me to two wonderful days! I am celebrating my 30th birthday today, although I wasn't really in the mood to celebrate. Consequently, my husband knew that shopping was just the thing to cheer me up! He took me to the shoe store and told me to pick out as many shoes as I wanted! I came out of that store with 6 pairs of shoes and 3 purses! We went to breakfast this morning, followed by a manicure and pedicure and then shopping again at WalMart! If it wasn't for the fact that I just had a c-section a week ago, I would have been ready for more.
The few things that really seem to bother me now is the fact that I still have a baby belly and no baby to show for it. Wearing maternity clothes reminds me of being pregnant but I can't fit into any of my other clothes. I can feel my uterus contracting back to its normal size but sometimes it feels like the baby kicking. Lastly, my breasts are still filled with milk so I am feeling let down every so many hours. Sometimes I just want to forget what just happened but these are constant reminders.
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